FMA Know Your Stars
by lallyzippo
Summary: I know there's a lot of these Know your stars fics going around, but i need to get over some writers block...Completed cause I'm too lazy to do everyone. [contains retardedness]
1. Dairy Boy

**Heeeeeeey…I'm writing this fic because I am bored…and I have major writer's block for my other stories…I know there are others like this, but hey, I'm doing this for the heck of it.**

**Disclaimer: I dun own FMA or whatever it's called.**

Ed walked around in the dark space. Looking around, he saw a stool. He walked up to it and saw a sticker on it that read: **This seat is reserved for me. If I am not back by the time I return, please ask me to wait.**

"?" Ed sat down so obliviously.

Then huge lights came on and an ominous voice echoed: _"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

"Who's there?" he screamed.

"_Edward Elric…He's a midget…"_

"TAKE THAT BACK!"

"_Make me, little man…Edward Elric…He's a homo…"_

"WHA? NO I'M NOT!"

"_You're right…you're in love with Winry…"_

"No I'm not…she's a childhood friend…"

"_Edward Elric…everyone hates typing his full name because it's retarded…"_

"THEY DO NOT! IT'S A KILLER NAME!"

"_Ed…I'm switching to his shortened name because I'm lazy…"_

"What does that have to do with anything!"

"_Ed…he was on COPS once…_

"Shhhh…not out loud…"

"_You're weird…"_

"SHUT UP!"

"_Make me…"_

"MAYBE I WILL!"

"_Ya gotta find me first weirdo…"_

"Grrrrrrrr…"

"_Ed…he plays with dolls…"_

"Wha? STALKER!"

"…"

"…"

"_Weirdo…"_

"I thought I told you to shut up!"

"_Whatever…Ed…he uses alchemy to pick his nose…"_

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS?"

"_Once again…you're weird…Ed…was once caught drinking a cows milk from the utter…"_

"THAT'S UNSANITARY! AND I HATE MILK!"

"_Sure…Dairy Man…"_

"DAIRY MAN?"

"_And now you know Dairy Man…"_

"NO THEY DON'T!"

"_Yes they do…Dairy Man…"_

About then a hoard of Ed fangirls busted through my door. "ED! ED! ED! ED! ED! ED! ED!"

"AHHHHHH!" I screamed when they grabbed me and threw me down to Ed's level. "Uh…I can explain…"

Ed's face was red by now so he chased me around in circles.

"AH! Uh, TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF FMA KNOW YOUR STAAAARS!"

**Review time…**


	2. Roy Mustang

**Time for another chappie!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.**

Roy Mustang was pulled by black-masked figures into a room. He couldn't help but wonder if this was about the 'Locker Room Incident'. Nevertheless, he reluctantly sat down on the stool that was placed in the center of the room…Then, IT HAPPENED.

"_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

"Huh? Who's there!"

"_Roy Mustang…his hobby is staring at himself in the mirror…"_

"No it's _not_! I look at magazines!"

"_Sure…porn magazines…"_

"No…I would never do anything like that!"

"_Sure…Master Shake…"_

"Who?"

"_Roy Mustang…is really Master Shake in disguise…"_

"No I'm not!"

About then the REAL Roy Mustang ran in. "Hey! What are you doing!"

"Uh-oh! I've been found out!" the imposter jumped out a window that magically appeared.

"…_Roy Mustang…"_

"Yes?"

"…_Shut up and let me finish…"_

"Grrr…fine!"

"_Ahem. Roy Mustang…is actually a woman…"_

"That's just retarded!"

"_Being female is retarded?"_

"Huh? Ah, NO! Th-That's not what I meant!"

All the Mustang fangirls got said and walked away.

"_Tough luck."_

"SHUT UP!"

"_Roy Mustang…is a virgin…"_

"I-I-I…No I'm not!"

"_You're a perv."_

"I AM NOT!"

"_Are too…Zelos…"_

"Who?"

"_Zelos Wilder…his best friend is Mr. Hand-Dude…"_

"…."

"_That's you, pinhead."_

"Huh? Oh! I see! I was afraid Mr. Hand-Dude was cheating on me!"

"No! Mr. Hand-Dude is MY best friend!" Iedo yelled.

"Hey! I'M supposed to be your best friend!"

"Shut up, Hyde!"

"HAHAHAHA! MR. HAND-DUDE LIKES ME BEST!"

"DOES NOT!"

"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!"

So Iedo and Mustang ran around in circles therefore, I must end this chapter.

**Review.**


	3. Al the Robot

Another chapter has arrived…weeee… 

**Disclaimer: FMA does not belong to me.**

Al is thrown onto a stool in the middle of a dark room and then lights come on.

"_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

Al looked around and yelled, "ARE YOU BODILESS PERSON TOO?"

"_Alphonse_ Elric…his armor is really a robot…"

"Huh? No that's not quite right…"

"Suuuure…and the fact that the REAL Alphonse Elric is operating you far, far away is lie too then…"

"Yes…"

"_Is not…"_

"Is so!"

"_Is not…!"_

"IS SO!"

"_Is so…"_

"Is not!"

"_So you admit it…"_

"…You're a meanie…"

"_Deal with it…Alphonse Elric…he is cursed to have a retarded name because of his brother…"_

Al started sobbing. "DON'T REMIND ME!"

"_There, there…Alphonse Elric…the reason the robot is posing as Al is because the real Alphonse Elric ran away to become a stripper…"_

"NO! I'M AGAINST NUDITY!"

"_Whatever…stripper…"_

"…I give up…"

"_Good…Alphonse Elric…he wears a loin-cloth to impress the ladies…"_

"No, actually it was Ed's idea, so he could MEET the ladies."

"…_I feel your pain…"_

"Thanks."

"_Ahem. Alphonse Elric…he likes to brutally murder kitties…"_

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

"_Need I explain? Fluffy-flushed down the toilet. Mr. Bigglesworth-died a slow death because of Armstrong's singing. Obi-Won Kenobi-was chased away by a Chihuahua. Frodo-was trampled by angry K-Mart employees. Bloody Mary-was ripped to shreds by rabid dogs. Need I go on?"_

"No…"

"_Good…Alphonse Elric…likes to brutally murder Pokemon on his GBA…"_

"NO! I don't care if they're pixels! THEY HAVE FEELINGS TOO!"

"_No they don't…"_

"You're just mean!"

"_Thank you…Alphonse Elric…he wore a pink tutu once and ran around town singing, 'I like big butts'…"_

"Le gasp! HOW'D YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT!"

"_I went on your brother's revenge website genius…"_

"NOOOO!"

"_There's also a picture of you with your foot stuck in the toilet…"_

"People who read FMA IDOL already know about that…"

"_But some people didn't read that…"_

"Just sayin'…"

"_Alphonse Elric…he's a queer…"_

"Um, what's a queer?"

"_Alphonse Elric…his robot is made out of chocolate…"_

"NO IT'S NOT! AND IT'S ARMOR! THERE NO ROBOT INVOLVED!"

"_Suuuuuure…C3PO…"_

"What's a queer? And who's C3PO?"

"_And now you know…C3PO the Queer…"_

"NO! THEY DON'T! MY NAME IS AL! ALPHONSE ELRIC! HEEEY!"

**Review time…**


	4. Fangirl Murderer

**Time for another chapter! Thank you to all who reviewed! This story has become an instant hit!**

**Disclaimer: FMA belongs to the people who created Read or Die. Not me.**

Hawkeye looked around and sat down on the stool in the middle of the room.

"_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

"That voice sounds strangely familiar…"

"_Riza Hawkeye…she strokes her gun and calls it precious…"_

"You have no proof of that!"

"_Yes I do…just go to Ed's revenge site…"_

"ELRIC!"

Al ran in. "Yes?"

"Not you robot Al!"

"_I knew you were a robot…"_

"I AM NOT!" Al ran out crying.

"_You're almost as mean as me…good job…"_

"You're COMPLIMENTING me?"

"_Oh gosh…(hears gagging)…Ahem. Riza Hawkeye…she has a crush on Mustang…"_

"WHA? I DO NOT!"

"_Then why are you blushing?"_

"I, uh, um…"

"_Thought so."_

"Shut up…"

"_I get that a lot…Riza Hawkeye…she watches Teletubies…"_

"Okay, that is SO not true!"

"_I have proof…"_

"Then it must be a fake picture because I DO NOT watch that show!"

"_Suuuure…Riza Hawkeye…she's in love with moe, or poe or whatever the red teletubies name is…"_

"Who?"

"_You know…"_

"No I don't."

"_Suuuuure…Riza Hawkeye…she hit on Al when he had his loin-cloth…"_

"No, that was that black-haired officer girl…forgot her name…"

"_Oh, well…she's not important…Riza Hawkeye…she's dedicated her life to being the world's greatest carnie…"_

"Okay, no. You got me mixed up with Winry this time."

"_No I didn't…"_

"YES you did…"

"_Lie all you want…you can't hide the truth forever…"_

Riza rolled her eyes.

"…_Riza Hawkeye…she was in the prep rally supporting Islam…"_

"No…I'm against Islam…"

"_Grrr…(she doesn't crack easily does she?)…Riza Hawkeye…she…kissed Ed at the Christmas party!"_

"No I didn't…are we done yet?"

Suddenly, there were screamed from the back room and a clang of metal and could hear Ed scream, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"…"

"………_Oooookaaaaay…Riza Hawkeye…sang Baby Hit Me One More Time to Mustang…"_

Riza sighed. "No…I sag it because Jewel made me sing it in FMA IDOL!"

"_Whatever…you have the hots for Mustang…"_

"NO I DON'T!"

"_Hm? Oh…heheh…Riza Hawkeye…she had a dream where she was Rapunzel and Mustang was the handsome prince…"_

"NO I DIDN'T! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

"_HAHAHAHA! Riza Hawkeye…she brutally murders Roy fangirls…"_

"Yeah, that much is true."

"_After she sells them to molesters…"_

"OKAY THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

"_Yes it is…"_

"NO IT'S NOT!"

"_Riza Hawkeye…she secretly has a shrine for Mustang in her closet…"_

"NO I DON'T! I CARE WHAT FULLMETAL TOLD YOU! IT'S NOT TRUE!"

"_And now you know Riza Hawkeye…"_

"NO THEY DON'T!"

"_Yes they do…"_

"SCREW YOU!" Hawkeye pulled out her gun and shot the ceiling.

"HELP! I'M PINNED TO THE WALL! Oh, and tune in for the next episode of FMA Know Your Stars!"

**Was it funny? I hope so…Review please! They mean a lot!**


	5. Scar FRIGHTENS me

**Hi! Thanks for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: Lalalalala2 does not, and never will own FMA.**

Scar sat down on the stool in the middle of the room. He was nervous after seeing the condition of the FMA crew.

_"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..."_

"Huh?"

_"Scar...um...Scar whatever-his-last-name-is...he takes ballroom dancing..."_

"Yes I do! Me and Ed are dance partners!"

There was a loud explosion from the back followed by screaming and hysterical laughter.

"What?" Scar shrugged.

_"...Scar whatever-his-last-name-is...he was dropped on his head as a child..."_

"Okay, WHY does everyone _assume_ that to be a bad thing? That just HAPPENS to be my case!"

_"...You are beyond anyone's help..."_

"You'd be surprised how many people have told me that!"

_"Not really...Scar whatever-his-last-name-is...he has a Care Bear that he sleeps with every night..."_

"No, actually, it's Hello Kitty."

_"...You frighten me..."_

"Thank you!"

_"...Scar whatever-his-last-name-is...he KILLS PEOPLE!"_

Scar's head dropped. "Yeah, I suppose that's true."

_"Scar whatever-his-last-name-is...he likes hot pink nail polish..."_

"Yeah, I do! But, I realized that I'm more of a sea green."

_"Scar whatever-his-last-name-is...Dr. Phil couln't help him..."_

"I don't see why people think I need help! Well, at least Dr. Phil will be able to think about that in the Looney House! HAHAHAHA!"

_"..."_

"Yes?" Scar answered sweetly.

_"...Once again...you frighten me...Scar whatever-his-last-name-is...he thinks that Ashton Kutcher is hot..."_

"He IS hot! Too bad I'm straight!"

_"Seriously?"_

"Y-"

_"Don't answer that...Scar whatever-his-last-name-is...he went to cheerleader school..."_

"And I graduated! Want me to do a cheer?"

_"No..."_

"Oh, come on! Please!"

_"NO!"_

"Okay..."

_"Scar whatever-his-last-name-is...his favorite movie is The Hot Chick..._

"You like that movie, too? Cool!"

_"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO AGREE WITH ME!"_ I ran out of the studio screaming.

Scar looked around. "And now you know me!"

**Sorry it's kinda short...but i don't have much time to write right now. As to answer a certain reviewer's question: No, Ed's website of revenge does not exist...yet. I'm probably going to turn it into at least a webpage of some sort, when i figure out how, and it'll have retarded images of the FMA crew that I've edited with real pictures. Also, Hello Kitty and guys cheerleading ARE NOT LAME IN ANY WAY IF YOU LIKE THEM. It's just a Scar joke; nothing wrong with Hello Kitty, nothing wrong with guys cheerleading. I just put that there because I thought it would be funny. Review please!**


	6. Havoc has no first name

**Heeeey…THANK FOR REVIEWING! (to all those who reviewed).**

**Disclaimer: However much I may love FMA, I do not own it.**

Havoc looked around and smoked his cigarette. He walked over to the stool and looked at it. It had a sticker on it that read: **Watch X-Play, OR I SHALL KILL.**

"…" Havoc sat down.

"_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"_Your worst nightmare…"_

"Hey, Breda! S'up?"

"…_Ooookay. Um, Danny Havoc…he has ghost powers…"_

"Uh, no! I'm an alchemist! And my first name isn't Danny it's-"

"_Harry Havoc…he went to Hogwarts School of witchcraft…"_

"Okay, wrong again…THIS ISN'T A CROSSOVER! And my first name is-"

"_Adam Havoc…he hosts X-Play…"_

"You're mixing me up with that Adam Sessler! AND MY NAME IS-"

"_Paris Havoc…it's a supermodel…"_

"Um, I'm a GUY! AND I DO'T HAVE GIRL NAME YOU GAY FAG!"

"_Caleb Havoc…he likes cancer…he REALLY likes cancer…"_

"Uh, no…"

"_Walter Havoc…he has cancer…"_

"HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?"

"_I told you…I'm your worst nightmare…"_

"Oh, that's right…Hi Breda!"

"…_Sure. Mike Havoc…he brutally murders pokemon…"_

"(is playing GBA) Um, no I don't…(hides it)."

"_Saddam Havoc…he's a cruel and heartless dictator…"_

"That hurt…"

"_I know. Yu-Gi Havoc…he's gay…"_

"I AM NOT! I AM NOT THAT GAY WAD YU-GI-OH!"

"_Suuuuuuure…Nark Havoc…he endorses drug use…"_

"WHA? NO I DON'T!"

"_What are you smoking?"_

Havoc looked at his mouth. "Uh, cigarette?"

"_GUILTY WITH TWENTY-FOUR DEGREES OF MURDER!"_

"WHAT?"

Then some people from the MIB came in and carried Billy Havoc away.

"MY NAME'S NOT BILLY! IT'S-"

"Tune in next time for another chapter of FMA Know Your Stars!"

**That was short too…sorry if it wasn't funny…I've been busy and stuff at my relatives and such…Review please!**


	7. Gluttony the Waffle

**Hi! I'm happy to know that a lot of you love X-Play as much as I do. I also would've liked Attack of the Show if those GAY WADS hadn't hoped for the Discovery to blow up.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA! But…I CAN STILL DO THE CHICKEN DANCE!**

Gluttony was dragged into the studio and tossed on a chair.

"_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

"…"

"_Gluttony the Homunculus…he's on Atkins…"_

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaffffffffles!"

"…_? Um, Gluttony the Homunculus…he so fat he has his own time zones…"_

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaffffffffles..."

"_Um, riiiiight…Gluttony the Homunculus…he's in love with Envy…"_

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaffffffffles …"

"_You frighten me…more than Scar…"_

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaffffffffles …"

"_Uh, Gluttony the Homunculus...is…uh, mentally retarded?"_

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaffffffffles!"

"_Yep. Mentally retarded."_

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaffffffffles …"

"_How am I supposed to work like this?"_

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaffffffffles."

"_I mean, SERIOUSLY! Almost all of the FMA crew has SOME sort of mental disorder!"_

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaffffffffles..."

"_Waffles? Oh, GIVE ME A BREAK!"_

"Mmmmmmmm…waffles…"

"_I'LL WAFFLE YOU!"_

"Waffle!"

"_THAT'S RIGHT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFLE!"_

"WAAAAAFFLE!"

"_WAFFLE!"_

"WAFFLE!"

"Ahem, uh Jewel?"

I looked back at Emily. _"Uh, right…Ahem, Gluttony the Waffle-I mean- Homunculus…he's got major tooth decay from eating wa-um candy…"_

"Uh, waffle?"

"_DAMMIT! WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING WAFFLE PROBLEM? WAFFLE, WAFFLE, WAFFLE!"_

"WAFFLE!"

"_WAFFEL, WAFFLE, WAFFEL! WAAAAAAFFLE! WAFLE!"_

"**_WAFFLE!"_**

Emily started shouting. "WAFFLE! Geh? Waffle!"

"_Waffle?" I answered._

"Waffle, waffle, waffle…" Translation: "I think we can only talk in waffle language!"

Gluttony looked up. "WAFFLE! Waffle!" Translation: "FINALLY! Envy and Lust won't think I'm psychotic anymore!"

"_Waffle, waffle," I answered. Translation: "They can't hear us either, jackass."_

"Waffle…" Translation: "Oh, right…"

Emily turned back to me. "Waffle, waffle, waffle…WAFFLE!" Translation: "Jewel, you better end this chapter before the people from the Looney House come and- TOO LATE!"

Waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle. Translation: So, me, Gluttony, and Em were chased in circles around the studio while the people from the crazy house tried to throw tranquilizer harpoons at us.

"_Waffle, waffle, waffle!" _Translation: "Toon in next time for FMA Know Your Stars!"

**Waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle. Translation: Waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, Review.**


	8. Falman is reeeeeeeaaally boring

**Hello again…**

**Disclaimer: I was sued by the people who own FMA. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.**

Falman casually strolled into the studio and sat down on the stool.

"_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

Falman sat in silence.

"_Whatever-his name-is Falman…he has no first name…_

"Well, ominous voice, that's impossible, because (blah, blah, blah)…"

"_(snore)Eh? Oh right… Whatever-his name-is Falman…he's an old person…"_

"Well, that depends on what you mean by old…"

"_Suuure…Whatever-his name-is Falman…he's in love with Fury…"_

"I, for one can proclaim that to be untrue, because (blah, blah, blah)…"

"_Oh…so sleepy…Whatever-his name-is Falman…he went to a high school for retarded people…"_

"That is VERY untrue, because as you can see (blah, blah, blah)…"

"_Uh, riiight…Whatever-his name-is Falman…nobody cares about him…"_

"I find that hurtful…"

"_Ugh, finally…"_

"What?"

"_Oh nothing…Whatever-his name-is Falman…he's all natural and in stores now…"_

"Uh, what?"

"_Whatever-his name-is Falman…he likes big butts…"_

"No, I find that rather repulsive…"

"_You find your momma repulsive?"_

Falman's eyes turned to slits. "Don't EVER talk about my mother that way."

"_Whatever…Whatever-his name-is Falman…he starred in Lord of the Rings…"_

"No, that was Orlando Bloom…"

"_Huh? No it wasn't, it was Elijah Woods…"_

"No, it was Orlando Bloom!"

"_Orlando Bloom played Legolas, and he also starred in Pirates of the Caribbean. But ELIJAH WOODS starred as Frodo in Lord of the Rings."_

"You got that opposite."

"_No I didn't, you're just old."_

"I'm not old!"

"_Yeah, whatever grandpa."_

"I am not the age of a grandpa!"

"_Yeah? You're over thirty right? There have been some grandparents in their late twenties."_

"…That's just wrong!"

"_Yeah, I know, but whatever…"_

"…"

"_Oh, right…Whatever-his name-is Falman…he loves gore."_

"No, I find gore repulsive!"

"_Riiiiiiight…Whatever-his name-is Falman…he's a pedophile…"_

"Wa? AM NOT!"

"_Hmm, then why do you have all these pictures of Elisia?"_

"WHAT?"

Then Hughes burst in. "STAY AWAY FROM MY KID!"

"_Whatever-his name-is Falman…"_

"I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!" (A/N: Love that line)

"_Exactly…"_

"I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE!"

"Suuuuure…look out, a zombie wants your blood…"

"AHHHHH!" So Zombie Hughes chased Falman out of the studio.

"Tune in next time for FMA Know Your Stars!"

**Can't…..think…..of……words……to…..say……except: READ MY NEW FIC AND REVIEW THIS ONE!**


	9. The Furer sure likes money

**Can't think of words to say…except…ragingmongoose, when do ya think we could go to the fair?**

**Disclaimer: Even if I did own FMA, the world would still suck.**

Furer Bradley walked into the studio and sat down on the stool. He had vowed, he would conquer the ominous voice, just as Scar had…NOT!

"_Know your star, know your stars, know your stars…"_

"Get on with it!"

"_Furer Bradley…he likes to play with Barbie dolls…"_

"No, I do not…"

"_Suuuure, you deny it, but we all know it's true."_

Furer just sat there smiling.

"_Furer Bradley…he takes anger management classes…"_

"No, actually, I TEACH anger management classes."

"_Uh-huh… Furer Bradley…his mustache makes him look old…"_

"Well, technically, I AM old…"

"_Exactly… Furer Bradley…he bugs me…"_

"Thank you!"

"_Damn! You're annoying!"_

"Once again, thank you!"

"_Dammit… Furer Bradley…he wears women's clothing!"_

"LE GASP! HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?"

"…_hahaha… Furer Bradley…he's French…."_

"I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE!"

"_Why?...You said Le you know…"_

"Shut up."

"_Furer Bradley…are you hungry?"_

"Huh?" The furer scratched his head. "I…guess so?"

"_Good_." (hears phone dialing) _"Hello?...yes…I would like to order 500 pizzas please…"_

"500!"

"_Uh-huh…I'm serious…uh all of them cheese, except one Hawaiian…"_

"NO! I HATE BOTH THOSE!"

"_Uh, yeah…how will I be paying? Um, credit card…It's under the name Furer Bradley…"_

"WHAT? NO! I DON'T EVEN LIKE PIZZA!"

"_Uh-huh…$7500?"_

"NOOOOO! STOP! I COMMAND YOU!"

"_Hey! It's Tuesday! Ya know…your 555 deal?...Ah, okay…so then $2500?"_

"HOLY SHIT!"

"_Okay…thank you…Buh-bye…Oh, right…um, 26nd studio…fanfiction…okay…buh-bye…" _I put the phone back up and turned to see Bradley in fetal position. "…Oh, well! Tune in next time for FMA Know Your Stars!"

**I know it was short, and probably sucked, but whatever…Review or die.**


	10. Rose has no friends

**I'm back again! I just started going to high school…and its hell. Soooo…here's another chapter! Sorry it's taking me a while to update…Also, please read my requests at the end of this chapter. Thank you, here is your chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Wind Waker owns Ocarina of Time…I mean; I do not own FMA ;)**

"_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

Rose sat in a chair in the studio with her hands in her lap smiling.

"_Rose…does she have a last name? No? Whatever…Rose…her boyfriend is a zombie…"_

Rose promptly burst into tears. "THAT'S NOT TRUE! He's-he's DEAD!"

"_I'm so happy for you…Rose…She has a boyfriend named Imenhotept…"_

Rose stopped crying and blinked. "No, his name was Adam. Or wait…maybe it was Trevor…or Will…Oh! I forgot again!" Rose yelled as she slapped herself.

"…_Sure…Rose…her best friend is an imaginary dummy named Mr. Hankie…"_

"No its not! I have lots of friends!"

"_Name one."_

"Well, there's…oh, nevermind he died…Oh! But there was that nurse- No, she got arrested…Well…there's this hobo-"

"Rose? ROSE!" Our mailman ran in with a package. "Here! It's for you!"

"Oh?" Rose pulled the package apart and ripped out a letter. It read:

**Deer Rose,**

**I was so depressed today, I decided to go jump of a bridge. I am leaving you my most prized possession. Here's my sock.**

Rose held up the dead hobo's sock and then burst into tears.

"_Poor Rose…she has no friends…"_

Rose looked up with fire in her eyes. "You shouldn't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry!"

"_Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do little girl?"_

"Mr. Hankie…SHALL SMITE YOU!"

"…_I've had worse. Besides…I thought you didn't fraternize with dummies."_

Rose sat back in her chair with a smug look on her face. "Ha! For your information, he's a pink weasel!"

"…_You seem proud of that…"_

"Is there something WRONG with pink weasels!"

"_Yes…MANY things…Rose…She has weird hair…"_

"Nuh-uh! It's hip!"

"_Nobody uses that word anymore…How did you get pink hair?"_

"…I don't wanna talk about it…"

"_Why not?"_

"…Well…I was drunk…"

"_I thought you were supposed to be a good-doer for the sake of Cornello…"_

"Psssssh, please! I was just waiting for that old bastard to die! THEN, I would get it," she said with shifty eyes.

"_Er, it?"_

"…I've said too much."

"…………_Yyyyyyeah. Seriously though, what happened?"_

"I already said I don't wanna talk about it!"

"_Rose…she's a person no friends except an imaginary pink weasel…"_

"You shouldn't call Mr. Hankie imaginary. Bad things shall happen…"

"_Such as?"_

Gluttony appeared in the studio. "I started talking in waffle language."

"………_Holy crap…"_

"Yeah, exactly. DON'T DISS THE WEASEL, YO!"

"…_Okay, whatever. I am feeling so freakin depressed…"_

"I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS!"

"…_Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure…Rose…all her boyfriends, and her girlfriend, died horrible deaths because she is bad luck."_

"…Can't argue with that…"

"_See?"_

"I guess Mike, or Jake…or, was it Henry? Oh, crap! I forgot again!"

"_(coughlosercough)"_

Rose looked up with an evil grin on her face. "I don't have any friends…will you be my friend?"

Me: O.O; _"Uh, no."_

Rose burst into tears. Then Link from Legend of Zelda appeared. "Hey! I heard you're single!"

Rose immediately stopped crying. "Really? Of course!"

"I don't know if I'll ever take the place of Bob, or Jerry…or whatever, but-"

"Who cares about him or them or whatever!" Rose grabbed his arm and ran out of the building.

"…"

"He's doomed isn't he?" asked Hawkeye.

"_Oh, yeah. Of course there is an upside this…"_

"?"

"_Now the Wind Waker Link will get all the glory!" _;P

Hawkeye: -.-;

"_Anyways, tune in next time for know your stars!"_

**Yeah, I hope it was good. Please review. I would like people to know, the next story I will update will be either FMA Idol! or What I Never Knew. I know, I'm working on Momodo Drabbles, but I just can't seem to think of anything funny! If you have read that story, and have an idea, feel free to tell me in your reviews!**


	11. Winry plus chickens equals death

**Sorry I haven't been updating! Check my profile to see what stories I'm working on.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Leave me to bawl.**

Winry sat in the chair playing with her hair. (A/N: Woah! Omigosh that rhymed!)

"_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

"_Winry Rock-something…She's a natural bluenette…"_

"Um, what? Blue isn't even a hair color…and I'm BLOND. See?" Winry waved her hair around to prove her point.

"_Uh-huh. Suuure…Winry Rock-something…she's a psychopathic murder…"_

Winry: O.O "Um, no. I am a very loving person!"

**(You hear Ed and Al crack up backstage)**

Winry hears this and gets angry. "Ed! Al! SHUT THE HELL UP!"

**(Silence)**

Winry sits back in her chair and smiles sweetly.

"…_Ooookay…Winry Rock-something…her favorite band is NSYNC…"_

"No way. I wouldn't be caught dead listening to that group."

"_You hurt NSYNC's feelings…"_

Just then, Justin, Chris, Lance, Joey, and JC came out and started beat Winry. After several minutes of the ancient boy-band beating Winry, they stopped and started walking casually out of the stage except for JC, who was crying on Lance's shoulder about everyone being a critic.

"…_Wow…does it hurt?"_

Winry looked up at me with a black eye. "OF COURSE IT FRICKEN HURTS! THEY PUNCHED ME!"

"_Sheesh…Testy…Winry Rock-something…her favorite animals are squirrels…"_

"Squirrels? Uh, not really…I like dogs best…"

"_Aw, you the poor squirrely's feelings…"_

"Uh, sorry?"

"_Sorry doesn't cut it."_

Just then, hoards of squirrels came out from no where and attacked Winry.

"AHHHHHHH!"

Unfortunately, Winry was tied to a chair, and was being bombarded with nuts, and having her eyes scratched out.

**(Backstage)**

"Ya think we should help her Ed?" Al asked.

"Yeah, I guess so…after I get a few pictures for my site, then I'll transmute the squirrels."

"OH! Don't hurt the poor squirrely-whirleys!"

Ed stared at Al for a minute. "Mmm…yyyeah…TO THE STAGE!" Ed did a pose and ran off to the stage.

**(On Stage)**

The squirrel's were almost ready to start stripping Winry, when Ed and Al showed. "FEAR NOT WINRY!" Ed screamed.

"I'M DOOMED!"

Ed clapped his hands and then placed them on the floor. And aura surrounded the squirrels, and then a bright light surrounded the studio. When we opened our eyes, we realized that Ed had not exactly gotten hid of the problem.

"CHICKENS? YOU TURNED THE SQUIRRELS INTO CHICKENS?" Al turned to his brother.

"Hey! Let's face it! Getting attacked by chickens is way worse than getting attacked by squirrels! And more embarrassing!" Ed whipped out his camera. "BWAHAHAHAHA!"

"EEEEEEDDDDDDD!" Winry screamed as the squirrels, now transmutated into chickens, began to peck her to death.

After about twenty minutes of that, the chickens began to fly off.

"_Man, your friends really hate you…"_

Winry, barely alive, yet infuriated, looked up. "SHUT UP!"

"_Ooo, did I make you angry chicken girl?"_

"GRR! OF COURSE YOU MADE ME ANGRY! AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHICKENS!"

This called for a second assault by the chickens.

"…_Winry Rock-something…the chickens hate her…"_

The chickens stopped attacking Winry and clucked in agreement.

"Yeah, well I hate them too!"

The chickens promptly turned around and started drilling Winry apart.

"…_When will you learn…"_

"AH! HELP ME!"

"_Oh, so NOW the chicken-hater wants help…"_

"YES! HELP ME!"

"_Help yourself!"_

"I can't move! YOU TIED ME TO THE CHAIR!" Winry screamed through the assault on her face.

"_Well, I have my problems too, but ya don't see me whining about it!"_

"I'M ABOUT TO DIE!"

"_Cluck cluck cluck!"_

"STOP CLUCKING AT ME!"

"_Cluck! Clucky! Cluck!"_

No response.

"…_Winry Rock-something…"_

Still no response.

"_Uh, Winry?"_

Silence.

I looked over from my secret place, and I saw Winry lying on the floor with blood everywhere.

"_Uh oh…Winry Rock-something…she likes Ed…"_

Winry slightly opened her eyes, and lifted her chin. "Not true…"

"_A little louder please."_

"Can't…stupid chickens."

Yeah. They started attacking her again.

As the massacre continued, I turned to the camera. _"And now you know Winry Rock-something. Tune in next time for FMA Know Your Stars!"_

**Yeah, I hope it was good. Review please. **


	12. Frank Archer: The sensitive soul

**Yah, I'm suffering writer's block again, so you know what that means!**

**Disclaimer: FMA is not mine.**

**PS: This chapter is short! Just so you know :D**

After disarming Frank Archer of his weapons, he was placed in the chair of the studio.

"_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…"_

"_Frank Archer…he's ugly…"_

Frank burst into tears. "MY MOM SAYS I'M BEAUTIFUL!" he sobbed.

"_Of course she does…Frank Archer…His mother calls him Frankie-Hankie…"_

Archer paled. "NO! IT'S A LIE! A LIE I SAY!"

"_Frankie-Hankie…"_

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"…_He's…I dunno…Y'know youcrack really easily compared to the other characters…"_

"I have a sensitive soul, okay?"

"_Oh, really?"_

"YES REALLY! Why else do you think I invited the Crimson Alchemist back to the military? I wanted that friendship back! DON'T YOU EVER FEEL LONELY SOMETIMES?"

O.O; _"Frankie, you're scaring me…"_

"All those times we spent together; killing and destroying lives, side-by-side! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT SORT OF BOND WE HAD?"

"_Um, moving on…Frankie-Hankie…"_

"And you know what? I EVEN PROPOSED TO HIM!"

"_SERIOUSLY! You. Are. Scaring. Me!"_

"And one day when I went home, I was gonna have a nap to sort my thoughts. Apparently the Furer was considering takingout ofthe military for killing these orphans who asked for some 'hug'; whatever that might be. He said some crap about it being 'inhumane' or something. Anyway, I was going to take a nap to feel better, I walk in our room, AND HE'S IN BED WITH ENVY!"

**Backstage**

"Envy! HOW COULD YOU?"

"Ah! No, Lust! It's not like that!"

"What do you mean LUST? YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND!" Scar yelled.

"Uh, well…about that…"

"Whaddaya mean? He's my boyfriend!" (Wrath)

"No…mine…" (Tucker)

"You're all stupid! He's mine!" (Winry)

All: "ENVY!"

"Uh, heh heh…I can explain…"

"ENVY! YOU TWO-TIMER!" (Lust)

"Actually it was more like Six-OUCH!"

**(A/N: I stole that joke)**

**Onstage**

Archer was balling his eyes out about how he and the Crimson Alchemist committed mass murder and stuff like that, and the authoress was getting creeped.

"_Screw this; tune in next time for FMA Know Your Stars!...If you feel like it…"_

**Sorry if it sucked, I just need some Ideas for my fic You Can Kill Me Now. R&R people.**


	13. Cheska's plot of evil

**Another chapter. Woohoo.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Life sucks.**

Cheska sat in the chair with her legs crossed.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…" 

"_Cheska whatever…she is a bookworm."_

"That's so mean! I like books, but that's hurtful!"

"_Uh-huh…Cheska whatever…she had a crush on Hughes."_

"Wha? No! Of course not! He was a good friend of mine!"

"Suuuure…who then?" 

"No one!"

"Why not?" 

"I'm too busy!"

_**X**_

Falman had water flowing from his eyes. "What?"

"Sorry Falman. I guess you're just not man enough!" Fury cackled.

"Maybe it just wasn't meant to be!" Armstrong flexed his muscles.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I will become manly!" Falman hopped up and dashed out the door.

**X**

"…_Because you're researching about Hughes…"_

"Well yeah…"

"Cheska and Hughes, sittin' in a tree, K-I-" 

"HE HAS A WIFE AND KID DAMMIT! WE WERE FRIENDS!"

"…_S-S-I-N-G!"_

"SHUT UP!"

"First comes love…" 

"I'M SERIOUS!"

"Then comes the affair…" 

"My gosh…I give up…"

"So you admit it!" 

"NO!"

"Ooooh, so you ARE hiding something!" 

"NO I'm not! What good would come from loving Hughes? Seriously! He a married dead guy!"

"Simple. By loving Hughes, AND telling Gracia, she'll kick you out of her house. Then Ellisia and various neighbors will be sorry for you and revolt against her. When she explains why, and they ask you why, you'll simply reply, "I did love him…as a friend," like it's the most obvious thing in the entire world, and they'll continue to revolt against her, and they'll buy you more books out of sympathy. Then, after reading all the books, you'll be inspired to write your own, entitled, I Want To Kill Bradley. In which case, the people will read it and think you mean the Furer, and will be moved by your piece of literature and kill him. Then they'll turn to you, since you'll be the one who started it and make you Furer. When you realize Mustang is more fit for the position, you'll make him sign an agreement saying that he can be Furer if he in exchange, supplies you for the rest of your life with infinite books. And you can read to your heart's content." "…BRILLIANT! Why didn't I think of it before?" 

"…_Because you were reading. Duh."_

"Oh yeah…"

"…_By the way…THEN COMES ELLISIA IN THE BABY CARRIAGE!"_

"HEY!"

"Mommy!" Ellisia ran to Cheska.

"Wha? No, I'm not…"

"I'll kill you!" Gracia ran onto the studio with an axe.

"MEEP!" Cheska jumped up and got the hell out of there!

About that time, Falman walked in with lots of bling on, and clothes like Eminem. "Yo, yo, yo! I'm-Hey! Oh, cummon!"

"Well, whatever. Tune in next time for know your stars!" 

**Yyyyyyeah. Done. I still have to do Fury, Breda, Izumi, Kimblee, Greed, Lust, Envy, Wrath, Armstrong, Hughes, Pinko or whatever, that freaky alchemist girl you used to work for the guy that reminded me of the French, the guy that reminded me of the French, Dante, the Homonculus secretary, that officer girl with the mole…a lot of people…**


	14. An old fart created me

**If anyone knows the names of the two officers who help Ed out a lot (one blond hair, male; one female, black hair) I would appreciate it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. Deal with it. I'm moved on…(breaks down)**

Greed sat in a chair looking very smug.

'_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…'_

'_Greed…he's a Special ED Homunculi…'_

"Well, I agree that I am 'special'. If by special you mean hansom, talented, all kno-"

'_Greed…Everyone hates him…'_

"What? How can you hate me? I've got looks, money, talent, muscles, a gang, dangerous…Okay, yeah, I'm starting to hate me, too."

'…_Right. Greed…He's really an X-Man…'_

"X-Man? Like, a Christmas guy?"

'…'

"Well, I do love Christmas; I get, money, girls, fan letters, candy, weapons of mass destruction-"

'_Who gives you this stuff?'_

"Oh, y'know, fangirls, random people on the streets, the terrorists…"

'…_Terrorists?'_

"Well, yeah! Cuz, everyone loves me!"

_o.O;_

'_Greed…In a cave somewhere…O'Sama Bin Laden is kissing a picture of him…'_

"And why wouldn't he? Because I'm soooooooo awesome!"

'_Are you even Greed?'_

"Hahahaha! Okay, I know there's tons of Greed wannabes out there, but you must recognize the real deal when you see it!"

'…_I hate you. SO very much.'_

"Aw, c'mon! You know you love me!" Greed batted his eyelashes.

_O.O 'Well…Okay then…Greed…scares me…Better?'_

"I love you, You love me, We're a happy Family!..."

'…_Seriously, is that Greed? Greed fangirls are gonna be pissed if they read this…'_

"Don't worry!" Wrath waved his hand around. "Dante used to get like this all the time since she's a kooky old fart. It'll wear off in a minute before he figures it out."

'_Well, okay then.'_

"But even if the Greed fangirls DID flame you, it wouldn't matter!"

'_Hey, I have feelings, too…'_

"But the story-if you even want to call this that-summary says 'Flames welcome'."

'_Bah. Gotta take that part out. I got flamed last few chapters, too. A user called me stupid.'_

"What happened?"

'_Blocked 'em.'_

Meanwhile…

"Rubber duckie, I looooove yoooouuuuu! Rubber duckie! Yes it's truuuueeeeee!" Ed was standing there taking digital pictures, while everyone was either laughing, or averting their eyes (excluding Al, who was happily singing along).

"…_Wrath? How much longer. I actually like the other Greed better."_

"I dunno…" he rolled his eyes around childishly.

"_I swear, you're such a kid!"_

"Well, duh!" he giggled.

_-.- "I swear! If you weren't so adorable, I'd beat you up right now!"_

He giggled again and began to twirl in circles.

"…_It seems that all those who created Homunculi were very…unstable…"_

Ed stopped taking pictures and stared up at where he thought I was. "Whaddya mean? I'm normal!" He stared for a minute. He also took one more quick picture.

"_Not counting that whole metal arm thing?"_

"SCREW YOU!"

Anyway…

"There's a heeeeeeroooooo, in ev-ery bodies…..HEEEEEEEEAAAAARRRRRRTTTTTTTTTT!...What just happened?"

"…_Nothing…"_

"Well, then…I'M OFF!" A hoard of fangirls busted through the studio wall, and carried Greed off.

"_Random…But the easiest way to end a chapter I suppose…"_

Wrath started giggling like a maniac, and lifted a flower to me. "Lookie, lookie I gots a flower!"

"_Awwww…Well that's very-"_

Wrath immediately bit the flower's head off and swallowed it, still grinning crazily.

_o.O; "…Sweet."_

"Tune in next time for Know Your Stars!"

**Yaaaaaaah…I have finals tomorrow. WRITE ME REVIEWS! R&R.**


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